the magical night out

when having no expectations, is better than any expectations at all

have you ever had one of those nights - the ones you looked forward to the most - be an absolute flop? you have an outfit picked out weeks in advance, you and your friends gush about this being the night that you all magically meet the loves of your lives, and you're out all night on serendipitous adventures.

but, in reality, it actually just ends up being mid. your outfit doesn't fit like you wanted it to, the guys end up being sleazy like they usually are, and you're back home by midnight.

I'm choosing night outs because it's the first analogy I could think of for this sort of thing. This pull between expectations and unfulfilled promises realized through canon events people subject to themselves repeatedly, like a broken record.

This phenomena can also be seen in other ways, like the date you spent weeks agonizing over, but turns out you didn’t have much in common. The job you took because you thought you’d get to build a relationship with someone, but ended up not getting to interact with them much at all. The social media post you spent days and days editing and re-editing to flop, for a post you just spent a few seconds on to perform much better. The weekend getaway you planned expecting you'd walk out with all these new friendships, but you only got to scratch the tip of the iceberg.

I realized having no expectations is better than any expectations at all. I stopped having expectations for anything other than myself, and I feel much lighter and happier for it. Particularly on the things I do, how I react to things, and carry myself in situations.

The most memorable experiences I've ever had are the ones I've never expected to happen.

Doing something is not the means to an end. Nothing is ever 1:1, in which this one thing I did led me to achieve this exact thing I’m doing right now.

We're a function of multiple inputs, with every choice, every person we meet, everything we create weaves in as different threads, colors, and textures into our little life tapestry. They all contribute to a greater picture, in which we need to be comfortable with not knowing or being able to control what the end result looks like.

I came across this quote that said that:

“kids are the happiest because they don't have a past to dwell on, or a future to worry about. They just enjoy the present”.

Because they’re so fresh and new to the world, they have zero expectations for how anything is going to play out, and are extremely amused by the smallest things.

Good things can’t be forced into existence. It takes commitment, luck, constantly showing up, and just saying yes for the heck of it. It's hard to know from just one small-talk conversation that someone will be your best friend for life. Sometimes a night out is just a night out, and that’s okay. And I’d much rather be pleasantly surprised, than disappointed.

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related thoughts

This kind of reminds of this tweet I saw the other day:

thought gifts for you 💖:

some interesting reads and content i came across of this past month

• a measure of excellence by jake
• how to learn better in the digital age by gian
• explorations, hidden gems, and gatekeeping by quinn
• one day on netflix - i also just started reading the book!

Special thanks to Kasra and Jaclyn for looking at early drafts of this post.